I didn’t think I would do it again, but I’m proud to say I have flown alone with my two kids for a second time and lived to tell the tale. And honestly, this time I think it was one of the best flights I’ve ever had with them.
We had no tantrums or crying, and neither boy spent the whole flight watching a screen. It felt like a win. I was definitely tired at the end, but not emotionally drained like I have been on past flights.
Flight One - 4 against 2
I flew to England in early August with Steve, the boys, and my in-laws. We had two adults per child, plenty of coverage! However, it was still an exhausting flight simply because we had to wake up really early for the 8am flight.
I remember, at one point, I was so tired my eyes were closing but I couldn’t sleep because Nico wasn’t napping. My mother in law was dosing next to me so I couldn’t ask her to take a shift with him. Luckily, Nico was obsessed with the new toy I bought him for the flight - a small Rubble in a car from Paw Patrol. I was able to shut my eyes a little. It was the kind of rest where your body gets to the brink of sleep and then you pull yourself back out of it. I had to keep opening my eyes to check on him. Of course, he finally fell asleep during landing!
Photo of Nico napping on the plane
Max was glued to the TV screen, taking some breaks to read short stories with Steve. Nico, however, doesn’t have the attention span for TV or movies. But, as I said, he was obsessed with the Rubble toy and played with it for pretty much the whole 7 hours!
There were a few times Nico was restless and frustrated that he couldn’t move about as much as he wanted. At those times, Steve would walk him up and down the plane making friends with other families. It was cute: at baggage claim a couple of girls came over and said “Hi” to Nico and seemed to absolutely adore him.
My in-laws visited England for a week and then flew home. Steve left a week later to go back to work and make it to a friend’s wedding. I stayed an extra week and a half to spend more time with my family and friends. I felt really grateful to celebrate my birthday at home with my sisters and friends, something I haven’t done in 8 years.
Photo of us with our bags after landing in London
On the flight home, my Mom came back with us. The idea was that she could be a helping hand on the plane. However, she somehow got bumped up to business class and I didn’t see her the entire flight! She was seated in her own luxury pod, two sections away and across the aisle. (Mom would want you to know that she did try to help... She came down to our section a few times but couldn’t get to our side of the plane. Every time she looked, we were happy and peaceful).
Turns out I didn’t need her. We had a great flight.
Throwback, like, way back
When I was a young kid, my Dad was in the Royal Navy and often spent months away at sea, or in other countries, or just at the base in Portsmouth (I don’t know). My mom would take my sisters and I for long trips in the summer to see family and friends in America. She flew with me and Sally when she was pregnant. And she flew alone with all three of us once Izy came.
I hardly remember the flights. I do remember the holidays. My mom remembers the flights. She remembers sitting next to a toddler-aged me during landing on one particular flight: she was throwing up into a sick bag while I questioned her, “Wha’ that? Wha’ you got? I want some! Gimme!”
She can laugh at it now, but I’m sure being sick on a plane with three toddlers running around wasn’t much fun.
Mom says we always had a fabulous time. She talks about it as if it was easy (that’s how she talks about parenthood in general!). Mom worked with us to fill our own backpacks with snacks, activities and toys. We had an element of control there, and that helped keep us entertained. I don’t remember when, but eventually we were old enough to start watching movies the whole ride over. To this day, I love watching movies on planes.
Since my dad was in the Navy, we took military flights a lot of the time, which basically meant flying standby with two days' notice. It also meant we sat where we were told to sit. Commercial airlines will seat kids with their grown up, but apparently the military does not. Sometimes we sat next to soldiers. I remember Sally and I sat next to a soldier named George with red hair. I thought she was so cool because she had a ‘boys’ name.
I don’t really know how my mom handled three young kids on international flights by herself in the 80’s and early 90’s. Because, by all accounts, we were rambunctious kids!
Flight Two - flying solo-ish!
I have learned to let go of any preconceived notion of what a flight might be like for me. I don’t expect to watch any TV or movies, I’ll be lucky to listen to a podcast episode or my audiobook. Definitely won’t enjoy a little glass of wine with the meal. Just an eb and flow of managing the needs of the children. Making sure everyone eats enough, no one fights, and maybe we get a nap in.
I’m not sure exactly what made this flight feel like the best flight I’ve taken with the kids. Part of me thinks that they actually behave slightly better when there’s just one parent around. Is that a thing? But there were some other factors that I think set us up for success:
Window Seat
On long haul international flights the plane’s often have the section of 4 seats in the middle of the row with aisle on either end. But I don’t ever want to sit there. I feel more vulnerable, like my kids can escape on both sides. Which probably isn’t as simple as that if both Steve and I are present, but I do prefer the security of the window seat, where we can box them in.
Max and Nico like looking out the window at take off and landing, so it’s a simple and engaging piece of entertainment. Nico loved watching the bags being loaded onto the plane. Max enjoyed announcing loudly that we would be landing soon (despite still having 2 hours left!). It works out for us all.
Flight Activity Plan
The morning of our flight home, I showed Max a chart that I had made that roughly boxed out the hours of the flight. I gave him some paper with activities written on them and engaged him in planning how to spend the time. The only rule was that he had to take a break after each movie to do two non-TV things.
One of the things I love about Max is that he is strong willed and knows exactly what he wants. It can absolutely drive me crazy too. But in this instance it was great because he quickly decided what he wanted to do and we glued the activity pieces on the flight chart. I crossed my fingers hoping it would work out on the plane.
During our journey through the airport, Max was so overwhelmed with excitement that he really was behaving in a challenging way. I was getting so frustrated with him. When we finally got through security and were able to sit down to catch our breath and have a cup of tea I cried. I cried because I felt like it was my fault. Like, I’m doing something wrong in my parenting that makes him act that way. My mom comforted me, she doesn’t think it’s me. She thinks I’m a great Mom. She always tells me that I have buckets more patience than she ever did.
Later, on the plane Max’s first movie came to an end. I didn’t even have to say anything. He turned to me as the credits rolled and said, “Mom, now we do stickers like it says on the chart”.
I was so excited that he was easily moving between activities. We high-fived! Each time he completed the non-TV activities, I gave him a sticker for the chart.
After the second movie, when Max complained about having to take a break from the TV, I just reminded him of the chart and he got in line right away with the next activity. I felt like it was us working on this plan, rather than me trying to control what he did. That’s probably why he felt better about following it too, he helped create it. It wasn’t just me telling him what to do.
The flight chart that saved the day
New toy and simple activities
If you know me, you probably know that I hate carrying stuff. So, I refuse to pack a ton of activities for the boys, only to have Max watch TV all day and not engage with any of it. I’ve learned to pack light.
This trip I got them a new little car figure each, which as you’ve read Nico loved. On the flight over Max also enjoyed taking breaks in TV watching to join Nico, playing with his new car toy. Max also loves books, so Steve read to him a few times.
Photo of Nico holding his Rubble car on the first flight.
Unfortunately, before the flight home I lost the two Paw Patrol toys. I had set them aside so that we could make them seem new again for the flight home, but I hid them so well that I didn’t pack them. My parents have since mailed them back!
The activities we like to do include:
Stickers (on paper, not on the plane!)
Tattoos (just use a wet wipe and open your own tattoo parlor on the plane)
Mess free marker coloring
Matching card game
Plane walks
Playing with toys
Eating snacks
I'm sure there's more I could bring and more I could do to make it so that we don't have as much screen time, or even any screen time. But honestly, it's not a battle I really want. I would prefer to feel relaxed and clam, rather than stressed and anxious at the end of a flight. If it means my kids have to watch 3-4 hours of movies on a 7 hour flight, so be it!
Comments
Post a Comment