Racism hurts all of us. White folks benefit from systemic oppression, and we also hold society back as a whole when we do not value Black and brown people’s lives the same way we value our own. This post isn’t here to convince you why “All Lives Matter” is ignorant and offensive, there are plenty of others out there explaining this. It’s also not about why we should defund and abolish the police; you can learn about those ideas elsewhere. This post is a reflection on my intentions & potential methods as a white parent of a white child to raise an anti-racist activist.
All Black Lives Matter.
Recent violent murders of Black people, including George Floyd, Breona Taylor, Riah Milton, Dominique "Rem'mie" Fells and Ahmaud Abery (plus too many more!), have shaken people around the world. For months, protests and anti-racist demonstrations have filled the news. People are still out there, demonstrating, protesting. Violence and state-sanctioned murder is still happening to Black and brown folkx.
At the end of May, shortly after the murder of George Floyd by a white police officer in Minneapolis, I traveled from England to New York to stay at my in-laws on our way back to California. Hundreds of demonstrators calling for racial justice flooded the streets in New York, and our hometown, Oakland.
As a new mom with a 2 month old, during a pandemic, I couldn’t be out on the streets using my body to stand with Black Americans against injustice. So I used the other tools I have access to, including donating to Black-led organizations, supporting queer & trans Black artists, and using my social media platforms to share resources and information. Shortly after, I reflected on this platform, my blog, and how I should also be using this space to talk about racism and anti-racism. Hence, this post.
As a parent, I have been reflecting on my role in raising a member of the next generation to understand his white privilege, systemic racism, and the power he has to change the world. According to research, kids pick up messages about race from birth, and by age six show pro-white/anti-black bias. It's never too early to start these conversations or start thinking about how as a parent one might actively work to prevent such bias developing.
Doing the work
Respecting and supporting the platform & demands of Black-led groups, such as the Movement for Black Lives, showing up at protests and actions, donating to antiracist organizations, supporting black-owned businesses, and educating oneself and others on racism and anti-racism work, are among the tactics white folks can engage in to contribute to the dismantling of racism. But what can I do closer to home, in my everyday life, as a parent of a newborn?
As parents, we have a duty to think about our words, actions, and environments. Max will learn a lot from me. He will watch my every move and listen to every word (well, I can only hope!). What I say and do matters. Part of being a good anti-racist teacher to my child is to work on my own understanding and engagement in anti-racism work. That comes first and foremost.
I know that I'm not perfect. I once called the police on a Black man breaking into a car. Ooh crime prevention, well done! You might say. Here’s why I was wrong to do that: calling the police to a neighborhood where there are many men of color puts them all at risk of discrimination, aggression and extreme violence (death, even). The car is property, no one was in physical danger. This man could have been so down on his luck that he was desperate to break into a car for anything that could bring value to his life.
In that moment that I had followed my white person police-protect-me gut instinct. I was raised to trust and respect the police. However, if they sent a car out looking for someone, I would be putting all Black men who happened to be in the area at risk. I felt terrible afterward. I looked for reassurance from friends that it was the right thing to do (some of them placated me). In the end, cars are insured, items can be replaced. Human lives cannot, and breaking into a car (or just “walking while Black”) is not a crime punishable by violence or death.
I openly share this because I don’t want my white friends/readers to be put off from the hard work of self-evaluation and anti-racism work. By openly talking about anti-racism, I’m not preaching from a pedestal. I’m not shaming you. I am a human being, raised with privilege and experiencing degrees of ignorance- constantly trying to improve my thoughts, words and actions. We must acknowledge and own our actions, and understand the consequences they may have. Maybe you’ve never called the cops, but what actions have you taken (or inaction), or words have you spoken that you can reflect on and commit to changing?
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| Kids in Seattle hosted their own BLM protest and fundraiser (PC: @heatherchristo/Instagram) |
Raising Max
As a new Mom, I’m thinking about the books we read with Max. Reading is a huge part of a child’s development. I want to make sure that our library includes books by Black and brown authors, books that show kids of different skin colors, and non-white main characters.
We were recently gifted a few books for Max that meet some of these requirements. "Snowy Day" by Ezra Jack Keats is a book about a young boy playing in the snow. While the text doesn’t mention it, the illustrations show a little Black boy joyfully exploring a winter wonderland. At its publication in 1962, this was especially a big deal. The book invited young Black kids to see themselves in a story book, when far too often they are not featured. "My Friends" by Taro Gomi is a book featuring a Japanese girl and her friends. In a world where books are full of white children, it’s important for Max to see and admire characters that look different from him.
As he gets older, we’ll look for books that spark conversation about race and anti-racism. The non-profit, Embrace Race has a great list of recommendations. A friend of mine brought my attention to Antiracist Baby, by Ibram X Kendi, a colorful book that provides language needed to talk about antiracism with young children. Meanwhile, I am listening to his audiobook, “How To Be An Anti-Racist.”
I imagine that one day, we will live in a post-Covid-19 world. When that happens, the activities we engage in outside of the house will teach Max about what’s important. We’ll participate in family-friendly anti-racism protests, or host our own. We’ll visit museum exhibits about different cultures and learn about history through non-white narratives. For example, the Oakland Museum of California 2019 exhibit about the Black Panthers.
When Thanksgiving, Columbus Day, Juneteenth roll by on the calendar, we’ll talk about the stories that too often go untold. The genocide of indigenous people, the freeing of enslaved Africans, segregation and Jim Crow. Max will celebrate Indigenous People’s Day, instead of Columbus Day. And he will not be dressing up as a Native American with feathers in his hair. Max can still have a fun-filled, imaginative and creative childhood without appropriating the cultures of Black, Indigenous, & people of color (BIPOC).
I also think about the people Max will be surrounded by as he grows up. It is important to me that he forms strong relationships with adults and youth from different backgrounds, ages, sexualities, genders, and skin color. Had I stayed in my hometown of Fareham, Hampshire, where over 95% of residents are white, it would be a lot harder. In the Bay Area, my community shines with diversity in many ways.
It’s not about token friendships. It’s about acknowledging that too often we associate with people who look like us, who we have affinity to. It’s about making more of an effort to bridge the gaps and reduce the racial bias in children. By being aware of the (often unconscious) biases I hold, I can work to correct them.
Getting an Early Start
A lot of that is off in the future, but there’s so much that can be done right away. In his early years, Max has an absorbent mind, soaking up the world around him. It’s my responsibility to make sure his world is full of positive messages about people of color.
To start I’ve been combing through articles, and lists of recommended readings. I’m no expert in this, so I have found suggestions from others really useful. This resource put out in the wake of Breonna Taylor’s murder has been extremely useful listing podcasts, instagram accounts to follow, and books to read: bit.ly/ANTIRACISMRESOURCES. I highly recommend taking a look! Are you a parent of a white child and have been thinking about these things - what ideas/thoughts/resources would you share with me?
I continue to actively work on myself, my actions, by listening to people of color when they are telling me something is offensive, by reflecting on my biases and working to correct them, and by finding ways to make anti-racism a part of my everyday life (reading, donations, activism, following anti-racism accounts on social media). I want all my white friends and loved ones to hear this: let’s not be daunted by the hard work. Let’s not shy away from it. To truly see equality in our world, those of us with privilege need to change. This is not a people of color issue, this is a white people issue. We are responsible.
As a reader, white or BIPOC, is there something I've missed, am not thinking about? Call me in. I am open to listen and learn.
If you’re willing and able, please make a donation to one of these Oakland-based organizations, or a local org of your choosing that supports underserved youth and families of color. And if you are in the Bay, please, pay your Shuumi land tax.
Acta Non Verba
Trybe
Mandela Partners
https://www.mandelapartners.org/
HOPE Collaborative
http://www.hopecollaborative.net/
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