Goodnight Mom

  A belated Father's Day post still counts, right? I've been thinking a lot about fatherhood lately. I heard a statistic that in the 1980s, 43% of fathers said they had never changed a diaper. Today, that number is around 3%. It's a striking statistic, but I don't think it's really about diapers.  It's about showing up. I don't think there's one blueprint for what makes a “good father”, and I certainly don't think every family needs one. Love, stability, and belonging can come from many places and many people.  But my boys have a father, and he's a really, really good one. He's there. When we found out Max was breech, Steve became an instant researcher, reading everything he could so we could make decisions together. When I was caught in the fog of postpartum hormones and anxiety, I became desperate to make breastfeeding work with Max. Looking back, it's so clear that I couldn't see what was happening. He needed formula and I needed p...

I stopped writing for some time. A year and a half. Did you notice?  I got busy. I’m always busy. Are you busy?  Today I  feel especially called to find my voice again in this blog. I started Good Night Mom when I was pregnant with my first, back in 2019. I started this blog because I was learning SO MUCH about motherhood that did not align with all the things I thought I knew. All the ways society taught me to view motherhood.  The biggest thing at the time was how motherhood is meant to be “natural” a part of nature. We still expect women to feel some sort of way about having children. And I realized how frustrated and agonized I became when 2 months of trying for a baby turned into 5, 6, and then 9. And how lucky we were that it was only 9. So many parents go through much longer periods of desiring to conceive, of trying IVF, surrogates, and adoption proceedings. There are many ways to become a parent. This blog was the space for me to express the challenges I fac...

I didn’t think I would do it again , but I’m proud to say I have flown alone with my two kids for a second time and lived to tell the tale. And honestly, this time I think it was one of the best flights I’ve ever had with them.  We had no tantrums or crying, and neither boy spent the whole flight watching a screen. It felt like a win. I was definitely tired at the end, but not emotionally drained like I have been on past flights. Flight One - 4 against 2 I flew to England in early August with Steve, the boys, and my in-laws. We had two adults per child, plenty of coverage! However, it was still an exhausting flight simply because we had to wake up really early for the 8am flight.  I remember, at one point, I was so tired my eyes were closing but I couldn’t sleep because Nico wasn’t napping. My mother in law was dosing next to me so I couldn’t ask her to take a shift with him. Luckily, Nico was obsessed with the new toy I bought him for the flight - a small Rubble in a car f...

There’s a lot that can be said about the difficulties of parenting young kids. I feel very conscious that my blog tends to be focused on the harder moments. Most likely, it’s because I find writing as a useful tool for processing and reflection. But, there are, of course, great moments. My mom often talks about the good times, how much fun we had when my sisters and I were little. I asked her once if it was ever difficult for her (because it never sounds like it!). “Oh, I cried every day,” she said, implying the difficulty. It’s not that my mom, or other parents whose kids are much older, block out the hard parts. It’s just the memory of the simple love, connection and dependency is much stronger and worth cherishing. I’m here, on any given day, dreaming of getting away for a few nights so I can sleep for 8 hours, wake up at a reasonable time and not have to take care of anyone. My kids are dreaming of spending every minute they can with me. My mom has said to me many times, “you’re th...