There’s a lot that can be said about the difficulties of parenting young kids. I feel very conscious that my blog tends to be focused on the harder moments. Most likely, it’s because I find writing as a useful tool for processing and reflection. But, there are, of course, great moments.
My mom often talks about the good times, how much fun we had when my sisters and I were little. I asked her once if it was ever difficult for her (because it never sounds like it!). “Oh, I cried every day,” she said, implying the difficulty. It’s not that my mom, or other parents whose kids are much older, block out the hard parts. It’s just the memory of the simple love, connection and dependency is much stronger and worth cherishing.
I’m here, on any given day, dreaming of getting away for a few nights so I can sleep for 8 hours, wake up at a reasonable time and not have to take care of anyone. My kids are dreaming of spending every minute they can with me.
My mom has said to me many times, “you’re the most important person in the world to them,” and that’s not something to dismiss lightly. In 20 years, that might not be the case. I think about how far away I am from my mom, with my own family, loving relationships and commitments. But, honestly if I could have more time with anyone, it would be my mom. In my heart, deep in every fiber of my being, she remains the most important person in the world to me.
So, heading into 2024, I wanted to kick off the new year with a post reflecting on some of my favorite parenting moments of 2023!
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5. Nico saying all the right things.
Nothing lights me up than seeing my kids talk! Don’t get me wrong, when they yell “No!” after I tell them it’s time for a bath, or to put their shoes on, I don’t exactly smile in awe. But, I do take pause from time to time to reflect on the progress each of them have made in getting a grasp on language and expressing themselves.
On January 1st 2023, I walked into the room while Steve was changing Nico’s diaper and he said “Momma” for the first time. He then didn’t say it again for a few months (classic baby move), but it was a great start to the year!
By the end of the year, he started putting 2-3 words together to form sentences.
“I hungry.” “I do it.” “Maxi, where you?” “Tank you mommy”
His “thank you” is the cutest thing and he says it very frequently without needing any prompting. It’s adorable!
Max has also advanced leaps and bounds with his language. People who know way more than me have always commented on his “advanced speaking abilities”. I love watching him play by himself, making up characters and dialogue. He’s very creative and good at remembering what he’s heard from us, in books or on shows that he watches.
During Hanukkah, we read books about the meaning and origins of the holiday. Later, Steve was playing with him and Max held up an imaginary sword and boldly demanded “give up your beligion!” (he meant to say “religion”).
4. Max being Max
There have been so many moments of Max showing us who he is: he’s vibrant, silly, smart, fun and kind. I remember a day when I wasn’t feeling well so I was in bed while Steve took the boys out for a walk. When they came back, Max presented me with a handful of flowers he had picked for me. “These are for you mommy, but you have to share them. I don’t like it when you don’t share,” he said.
Early in 2023, we were in the car and he asked for the “smiley pirates song” and I had no idea what he was talking about. Smiley pirates? Is that a nursery rhyme I don’t know?! I tried asking if he had heard it at school but he said no, he heard it in the car. I thought for a moment and realized we had listened to Miley Cyrus’s new album the day before, and that’s who he meant.
His favorite song at the time was Jaded by Miley Cyrus. He loves music and we often listen to the same ones repeatedly!
A few of Max’s favorite songs:
Prisoner - Miley Cyrus, ft. Dua Lipa
The Chain - Kerala Dust
Piece of Your Heart - MEDUZA, James Hype Remix
Jaded - Miley Cyrus
Spidey y sus sorprendentes amigos (Spidey and His Amazing Friends theme song, in Spanish)
I was really touched one day in early October when Max connected the past, present, and future. Out of the blue he said, “This wall reminds me of when I had fun with Caty in Oakland. I’m excited for them to come at Halloween, we’re going to have so much fun together!” I’d never really heard him connect a memory into the present and the future like that before. It was super cool!
I love that Max’s favorite color is bright hot pink. He wears pink rain boots. And when we were on our way to GemFest (a camping festival I’ve written about), Max asked us to buy him a tutu. The only one I could find in Target on the way to the party was a pink tutu with little pom poms in the tulle skirt. He LOVED it.
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One of the best moments of an otherwise challenging weekend, was Max kicking off the dance party in the walnut orchard at 9pm. As the loud house music blasted, he danced under a geometric light that was suspended by farm equipment in his favorite Spidey shirt and pink tutu. (We let him stay up in the hope that bedtime would be easier and less disturbing for Nico, we were wrong). What a kid.
Another favorite moment of the year was when Max walked into the kitchen wearing his spiderman pajama shirt and his pink tutu and asked “Am I beautiful, Mommy?”
“Yes, Max. Absolutely beautiful. Do you feel beautiful?”
“Yeah,” he said.
He’s beautiful and fantastic. I’m so proud of him.
3. Closeness with Steve
Shoutout to my companion on the journey of life, Steve! We are exhausted all the time, we’re parenting two young and very energetic children, and throughout the year we juggled child care dilemmas, moved across the country, handled tenant move out issues, dealt with landlord tensions, sold our house from afar, survived rolling & repetitive sicknesses and through it all we keep on showing up for each other.
When Steve’s on the cusp of a cold, he’ll take a night medicine and sleep for 10 hours. I’ll deal with any night wakings and the morning with the kids. When I had a job interview, Steve had me sleep in the basement. That night, it just so happened that Max was awake from 4-6am, and then Nico woke up at 6:30am. Poor Steve!
The other day, I had a passing thought: I'm really glad that I really like Steve. Like, I truly love the whole human that he is. I’m not saying he’s flawless. Hahahahahaha, no. But he’s smart, he’s generous, he’s thoughtful, and he works really hard for our family, for our relationship and for his friendships.
2023 re-confirmed, I wouldn’t want to parent these kids with anyone else. When things are hard, we face the problem together. We give room to each other’s strategies and approaches. We support each other. I’m so grateful for this love.
10/10 Would marry again.
2. Max & Nico buddies
Nothing’s more special than watching Max and Nico playing nicely together. Afterall, a big reason why we had a second kid (and so soon) was to create a buddy for Max!
In the early months of 2023 when we lived in Oakland, we would serve them breakfast in their bedroom at a little child’s table. They would sit across from each other and pass food back and forth, or just be together. It was very cute.
Towards the end of the year, Nico would be asking for Max all the time. If he heard Max cry he would say “oh no, Maxi crying” and would want to go see him. Max also would always ask, “where’s Nico?” wanting his buddy to play with him.
Just this evening, I was putting Nico to bed when we heard Max crying loudly. He was having a tantrum about the pajamas he was wearing. Nico kept pointing to the door, saying “Maxi crying.” I took Nico downstairs to see if it would help Max calm down. It didn’t really have that impact, but Nico did the cutest thing. He offered Max his fox - his “lovey”, his favorite toy in the world, his biggest comfort. It was so adorable that Nico would give up his toy to try to comfort his brother.
They fight over toys occasionally, but for the most part Max and Nico are able to play nicely together and near each other in the same space. Anything Max does, Nico will copy. If Max put a box on his head, Nico wanted a box on his head. If Max went running through the house screaming, Nico went running through the house after him.
It’s very sweet to see their love and connection grow. I hope they’re always close. I hope we can teach them to value and appreciate their connection as siblings.
1. Hosting Kid Parties
I learned this year that I love hosting kids parties as much as I love hosting an adult party!
Steve and I knew that we would have a hard time finding a babysitter for New Year’s Eve, and that it would be very expensive. So, we made the decision to stay home. Since we were staying in to take care of the kids, I thought let’s at least make that part fun.
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We hosted a NYE party and invited the families of two kids Max’s age that we’ve made friends with in the neighborhood. It was a pretty normal playdate before dinner, but once they had all eaten we really turned it up!
I had blown up 20 balloons and used a cheap plastic table cloth and painters tape to hang them on the ceiling. At around 5:30pm the kids couldn’t hold on any longer - and honestly, neither could the painters tape. After a quick 10 second countdown, Steve pulled the green ribbon hanging from the tablecloth and 20 black, gold and silver balloons fell over the heads of some very excited toddlers. “Happy New Year!!” we all yelled!
The party had officially started. The lights went off, the glow sticks came out and the music turned up! We kicked off the glow stick dance party with one of the boys’ favorite songs: Piece of Your Heart. I think I cracked about 20 glow sticks for these little ones, and they had so much fun shaking them and running around with them in the dark.
I was happy that the other parents were also into it. Some parents might expect kiddy music, like “the wheels on the bus” or, god forbid, “baby shark”. But Steve and I make sure it’s music we can all enjoy. It was a lot of fun to see Max and Nico having fun with their new friends. The kids ran around having fun until 8pm (an hour later than Max’s bedtime). Except for Nico, he started to climb up the stairs around 6:45 his usual bedtime. He fell asleep with the music still blasting. He loves his sleep, like his mom!
Steve and I love hosting and it turns out I get filled with endorphins even when it’s a kids party! (I was also getting filled with champagne!). It wasn’t just about making the kids happy, but it was also really great to hang out with the new parent friends we’ve made. With both of the couples, we get along really well and they’re easy to talk to. The best part of it for me is that it really felt like we are beginning to make our mark here, building our NYC community. We miss our fun and funky crew in California, so it was a great way to end the year by establishing ourselves here with new friends.
Setting Good Intentions for 2024
I’ll always love a good venting session and the chance to complain about my kids to anyone willing to listen! But, for 2024 my only new year’s resolution is to really focus on the positive and every time it’s rough I’ll remind myself that I’m the most important person in the world to them and they are deserving of all the love and patience I can give.
Happy New Year!
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