Goodnight Mom

As a new mom, one of the things I really struggled with for a while (and I know I’m not alone here) was figuring out how to help Max get the sleep he needed. His overnight sleep seemed to fall into place nicely. The hours between feeds stretched out until eventually he was only waking up once or twice. Finally he could be settled without a bottle. Since about 3 months old he has slept 11-12 hours a night. His naps, however, have been more challenging. When Max was born, I had no idea what to expect in terms of sleep. I was told that he would follow a routine of eating, sleeping, eating, sleeping, etc. And that gradually, as he would get older, he would have more time in there for play and “tummy time.” Eat. Play. Sleep. Repeat. And so it goes. Wake Windows  I looked to bloggers and Instagram moms for advice. Many talk about “awake windows” -- this is the appropriate amount of awake time between naps for your child and it varies by age. When they’re newborn, it’s something like 45 minut

  It’s been a few months since I was able to post on this blog. That’s because I went back to work! It wasn’t easing being a full-time Mom and working, even part-time ( as if moms ever stop being a mom just because they’re working, or not physically present all the time. When I use it here, I just mean my “job” is to be a Mom) .  I told my friend I was writing a post about being a full time mom and working, and she asked, “So, do you mean it was just you with your head face-down on your keyboard for 5 minutes?!”  I’m not the first or the only parent to have to figure out balancing childcare and work during a global pandemic. We made it work, and I’m glad we did because I love my job. Though at times maybe I did want to face plant into my keyboard, that wouldn’t make a good blog post! Actual photo of me working. (JK this is @cookiethepom) Getting back into it Before Max, I was working as a consultant for an awesome learning & development company, A Positive Adventure . I loved the

  On August 7th, I put Max down for his morning nap, grabbed my breast pump and sat on the sofa. I looked at the pump and suddenly was filled with dread. I really didn’t want to do this again. It was such a drag to sit there for 20 minutes for the smallest amount of milk. Such a bore, so much effort. Was it really worth it to keep going? At this point, for a number of reasons, I had stopped nursing Max and was only pumping twice a day. I wasn’t getting much milk. Every two days I had enough to feed him a full bottle. I was over it. It didn’t feel worthwhile. I started to cry. It was so hard to give this up, even at this scaled back point. I realized that I wanted to, so badly, but I felt immense guilt over not giving Max breastmilk for at least the first 6 months of his life. It brought up all the pain I experienced in the first few weeks (months in fact) of his life when I realized I wouldn’t be able to fully breastfeed Max. I texted my friend, my mom and my sisters for support. They

Racism hurts all of us. White folks benefit from systemic oppression, and we also hold society back as a whole when we do not value Black and brown people’s lives the same way we value our own. This post isn’t here to convince you why “All Lives Matter” is ignorant and offensive, there are plenty of others out there explaining this . It’s also not about why we should defund and abolish the police; you can learn about those ideas elsewhere . This post is a reflection on my intentions & potential methods as a white parent of a white child to raise an anti-racist activist. All Black Lives Matter. Recent violent murders of Black people, including George Floyd, Breona Taylor, Riah Milton, Dominique "Rem'mie" Fells and Ahmaud Abery (plus too many more!), have shaken people around the world. For months, protests and anti-racist demonstrations have filled the news. People are still out there, demonstrating, protesting. Violence and state-sanctioned murder is still happening t