Goodnight Mom

It’s been three and a half months since we welcomed Nico into the family. Not a long time, really. We’re still all adjusting. Things ebb and flow between easy and difficult.  Easy: Nico eats well.  Difficult: Nationwide formula shortage is scary right now. Easy: Max loves being a big brother and has been nothing but sweet to Nico.  Difficult: Two babies sometimes demanding attention at the same time.  Easy: Nico sleeps through the night. Difficult: Except for when he doesn’t and he wakes up crying multiple times. Easy: Steve and I are enjoying time in the house together on parental leave.  Difficult: Somehow we still feel like we don’t get much time together, not alone time anyway.  Before Nico was born, I was especially worried about going from parenting one baby to two. So many people said two is much harder. The work doubles, they’re at different stages developmentally and so they have different needs and interests.  Steve and I would sometimes lie ...

This post was drafted a few weeks ago, in late January. Going into the final month of my pregnancy, I found it challenging at times to get excited about it, which I think is what people expect. It can be exciting. It can also be daunting and generally exhausting. I definitely was looking forward to no longer carrying around a heavy baby in my belly, and the aches and pains that came with that!  But getting excited about having a new baby was not as accessible.  A fun photo from our NYE party As we draw closer to meeting baby#2, some friends, and even Steve, have asked me what I’m excited about. I found this question particularly difficult to answer in this past month. It’s not that I’m not excited, but there has been so much else to think about that my ability to get into a place of excitement has been a challenge. At the start of the year, we grappled with the decision over our dog Porter’s end of life. Max had an exposure to COVID-19 again from a daycare buddy (thankfully, M...

If you haven’t read my previous post about the risks of a trial of labor after cesarean compared to having a second cesarean, it might provide greater context to this post . To summarize, I was told by my doctor that if I wanted to try a vaginal birth I would have a 61% chance of it being successful.  Sometimes referred to as TOLAC (trial of labor after cesarean) and VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). In part one, I laid out the medical risks and my thoughts about them. I think deeply about my decisions, and this is one I have taken very seriously. I have laid out the risks pretty clearly for myself, and some seem more real and more threatening than others (the thought of a uterine rupture is much more graphically scary than the concept of post-surgical infection). But there are other factors that I’m also considering, beyond the medical risks.   For example, how it could impact having more children? Whichever decision I make, the outcome may have repercussions on the a...

On the second visit to my OBGYN, Dr K, she told me that according to a medical calculation I have a 61% chance of having a successful vaginal birth if I wanted to try labor. Sometimes referred to as TOLAC (trial of labor after cesarean) and VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I was only 12 weeks pregnant at the time. It felt super early in the pregnancy to even think about birthing plans, but she wanted to bring it up to give me plenty of time to think about it. Her job as my doctor is to share information about the risks. Both options, another c-section and VBAC, come with potential risks. For the past 18 weeks, I’ve been trying to figure out what the risks are and what I feel most comfortable with. I’ve been trying to figure out what is the best decision for me and this baby. The most up-to-date figure I can find is from 2013, when the average success rate for women in the U.S. who attempted a trial of labor after one previous cesarean was 70%.  Most literature encourages TOLAC/...

It didn’t take long after Max was born to hear the follow up question, “do you think you’ll have another one?” It’s a strange question. Some people get upset being asked so soon after having their first (I’ve read stories of women being asked this mere hours after delivering their first child!) I don’t mind it because I think we ask questions like this because we’re curious, nosey human creatures. The success of homosapians has depended on our ability to gossip and chat with and about each other, and fire, and regenerative farming, and a few other things, like science etc.  I always knew that if Steve and I were having at least one baby, we’d be having more. Why? Because I loved having sisters, and Steve also loves having sisters. I’m a middle child of three. Steve is the second of four --or as he likes to say, upper middle class. We’re pretty close with our siblings and enjoy those relationships and connections. I'm on the right. When I finally decided I wanted to and was “re...