A friend discovered she was pregnant and had the baby about a month later, close to full term. Another pregnant woman I met had said to me, "I don't believe any woman who says she didn't know she was pregnant." The thing is, everyone is different and pregnancy can feel different to each woman. I found out that I am not like the first friend, at all! I may not have looked pregnant my first trimester, but holy moly I felt it.
I went through all the work of trying to conceive, and then I was rewarded with exhaustion and 24 hour nausea for a solid 6 weeks. But on the upside, I finally learned how to spell nausea correctly!
Whoever named this was clearly a man. Morning sickness is not reserved for the mornings. Let's rename this right here, right now. Pregnancy sickness.
Pregnancy sickness can impact women anywhere from the first 12-13 weeks of pregnancy (the majority) right through to birth (the unlucky folks). I would describe pregnancy sickness as nausea and extreme exhaustion. I experienced this morning, noon, night, and in the middle of the night. For me, the extent of my pregnancy sickness varied from one day to the next. One day I could feel pretty OK, the next I could barely get out of bed because I was so tired. Thankfully, I only threw up a handful of times, and all in the privacy of my own home! Also, all this is happening while your hormones are going bonkers. It manifests in different ways. One example includes the day my husband walked into our room to find me on the bed hysterically crying. He asked me what was wrong, through tears I said “Nobody told me pregnant women can't have poached eggs.” Steve laughed at me, and I laughed at myself too. Poached eggs are my favorite breakfast food and I was so sad to hear they carried a risk of salmonella. FYI, the US government recommends pregnant women only eat eggs that have been cooked all the way through, yolk included. When pregnant you’re more at risk of food borne illnesses, and on top of that, they can be very harmful to baby.
One of the hardest parts of my first trimester was going through all these changes and feeling confined by society's norm of not telling people until you reach 13 weeks. It’ in all the blogs, baby books, and the apps that track baby’s growth week by week. And sometimes friends would question me when I said I wanted to tell X other person before 13 weeks. The reason this advice exists is because once you enter the second trimester, the chance of pregnancy loss greatly reduces. It protects you from having to share the sad news of loss with large groups of people. What isn’t taken into consideration is that you could feel like death warmed up those first few months which is a great time to let people know why you’re no longer getting in the hot tub, not wanting to meet up for drinks, not doing chores around the group house you live in, etc. One time, a roommate had one of our mutual friends over in the living room, I was so tired and exhausted when I got home that I couldn’t even say hello or chat. I waved as I walked into the house, marched upstairs and lay in my bed hiding from the world. My roommate made up the excuse that I had a cold and was too sick to be social!
According to the Mom blogs, doctors, and baby books, there are all sorts of remedies for pregnancy sickness. Ginger (tea or candy) is said to help quell nausea. I also tried Seabands, bracelets that stimulate pressure points at the wrist. They’re also meant to prevent nausea, and I think people use them for sea-sickness. For me, the best thing was having a small amount of food, like 7 almonds (thanks Obama). I kept nuts by my bed and carried them everywhere, I still do (in week 19).
I told my best friend, Catherine, the day after we found out. I was excited to share, and we'd just drank half a bottle of wine together on the porch the night before, it felt a bit ironic. Her sister has had two kids, so she knew more about what to expect than I did. Countless times during the first trimester she rescued me. One time, my husband Steve was away for a weekend, Catherine made sure I was eating, made me food, told me to rest. Throughout my first trimester she insisted I sit down and not do anything. She brought me snacks and comforted me when I cried in bed feeling exhausted and nauseous. She treated me to a pedicure for my birthday and planned a surprise meal with friends at a British pub. Without my sisters nearby, it was great to have Catherine’s support and understanding, especially in those first months.
We told parents over the phone, the news was met with great excitement. My mom was watching my nieces and we wanted her to step in another room so we could tell her. When we broke the news, she shouted "Oh my goodness!" which brought the curious nieces running, "What is it grandma?" to which my mom replied with the best cover story she could think of, "Mimi has a massive pimple on her nose", turning back to the phone she continued, "you have a massive pimple on your nose and it's growing and growing." she said with pure delight. OK Mom... Good one. To be fair, the nieces didn't suspect a thing.
Steve and I own our house and we live with 5 incredible roommates. We call the house, the Fishbowl. I love living in community, there’s always someone around to talk to and something fun to get involved in! Our roommates are musicians, science nerds, social justice advocates, burners, extroverts, gardeners, chefs, educators, performers, gymnasts, and explorers. We're so excited to bring up a child with multiple interesting, independent, and loving adults around. We decided to wait until our first appointment with the doctor before telling our roommates. At that point I was at 7 weeks. Steve thought it would be fun to make a toast during dinner to our "newest roommate." Met with confused faces, he then announced that I was pregnant. Our roommates were both thrilled for us and anxious about the big changes to our house and community. It’s hard to talk about this moment. The faces of the roommates are seared in my memory. Some were great celebratory reactions, one roommate squealed with excitement. But others looked more disappointed than elated. On the one hand, a baby is an exciting adventure and adds a new level of fun and joy to the house. On the other hand, even living with someone else’s baby, where you don’t have primary responsibility, can mean a significant adjustment. It’s a change. That definitely brought a mixed bag of emotions for me and Steve. I respected and wanted to make space for their worries, but I also needed my closest people to be excited with me so that I wasn't consumed by my own fears. Living in community means a commitment to the whole. We didn’t announce our baby and then declare this is the new way of the house. We wanted to learn from our roommates and negotiate how a baby could be a good Fishbowl roommate. For some of the roommates they needed time to consider staying or leaving. Following some 1:1 and group conversations we managed to work through thoughts and concerns on people's minds. All but one roommate decided to stay once the baby comes. It will be a sad transition, but I am grateful that they are honest with themselves and us regarding the living situation they really want. For the rest of us, we continue to discuss how we’ll deal with different issues that come from living with a baby. And everyone’s excited.
For the most part, we kept the pregnancy private until the 12th week. A big family celebration provided a good opportunity to share the news with our community in New York. It also gave me practice actually saying it to people, which I found awkward at first! I remember the first family-friend I told that night, let’s call him Bobby. He put his hand on my tummy and said “oh! A baby Bobby.” Yeah, that was weird. Another friend I told asked, “um, should I say congratulations?” as if I might have just had a one night stand with someone. I realized maybe next time I should sound more excited when I share the news! It would be so much easier to wear one of those ridiculous t-shirts, but they only really make them for women much further along with protruding bumps.
There's so much more that can be said about the first trimester. This is only part one.
I guess this is my life now. (lying down, exhausted after breakfast)
Am I really even pregnant? Or just bloated? (even after the first ultrasound)
I went through all the work of trying to conceive, and then I was rewarded with exhaustion and 24 hour nausea for a solid 6 weeks. But on the upside, I finally learned how to spell nausea correctly!
 |
| Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy on Unsplash |
"Morning Sickness"
Whoever named this was clearly a man. Morning sickness is not reserved for the mornings. Let's rename this right here, right now. Pregnancy sickness.Pregnancy sickness can impact women anywhere from the first 12-13 weeks of pregnancy (the majority) right through to birth (the unlucky folks). I would describe pregnancy sickness as nausea and extreme exhaustion. I experienced this morning, noon, night, and in the middle of the night. For me, the extent of my pregnancy sickness varied from one day to the next. One day I could feel pretty OK, the next I could barely get out of bed because I was so tired. Thankfully, I only threw up a handful of times, and all in the privacy of my own home! Also, all this is happening while your hormones are going bonkers. It manifests in different ways. One example includes the day my husband walked into our room to find me on the bed hysterically crying. He asked me what was wrong, through tears I said “Nobody told me pregnant women can't have poached eggs.” Steve laughed at me, and I laughed at myself too. Poached eggs are my favorite breakfast food and I was so sad to hear they carried a risk of salmonella. FYI, the US government recommends pregnant women only eat eggs that have been cooked all the way through, yolk included. When pregnant you’re more at risk of food borne illnesses, and on top of that, they can be very harmful to baby.
One of the hardest parts of my first trimester was going through all these changes and feeling confined by society's norm of not telling people until you reach 13 weeks. It’ in all the blogs, baby books, and the apps that track baby’s growth week by week. And sometimes friends would question me when I said I wanted to tell X other person before 13 weeks. The reason this advice exists is because once you enter the second trimester, the chance of pregnancy loss greatly reduces. It protects you from having to share the sad news of loss with large groups of people. What isn’t taken into consideration is that you could feel like death warmed up those first few months which is a great time to let people know why you’re no longer getting in the hot tub, not wanting to meet up for drinks, not doing chores around the group house you live in, etc. One time, a roommate had one of our mutual friends over in the living room, I was so tired and exhausted when I got home that I couldn’t even say hello or chat. I waved as I walked into the house, marched upstairs and lay in my bed hiding from the world. My roommate made up the excuse that I had a cold and was too sick to be social!
According to the Mom blogs, doctors, and baby books, there are all sorts of remedies for pregnancy sickness. Ginger (tea or candy) is said to help quell nausea. I also tried Seabands, bracelets that stimulate pressure points at the wrist. They’re also meant to prevent nausea, and I think people use them for sea-sickness. For me, the best thing was having a small amount of food, like 7 almonds (thanks Obama). I kept nuts by my bed and carried them everywhere, I still do (in week 19).
 |
| Photo by Nicole Honeywill / Sincerely Media on Unsplash |
To Tell or Not To Tell
Steve and I agreed we wanted to tell our immediate family and some of our closest friends early on. Even if we experienced a pregnancy loss, we would want these people in our lives to know and support us. Early on, I told Steve, "I'm pregnant. We're not pregnant. I'm pregnant. We're having a baby, but we're not pregnant. OK?" He said OK. I think all the physical feelings I was having, as the pregnant one, made it important for me to have this distinguished when telling people. I'm doing a lot of the work here!I told my best friend, Catherine, the day after we found out. I was excited to share, and we'd just drank half a bottle of wine together on the porch the night before, it felt a bit ironic. Her sister has had two kids, so she knew more about what to expect than I did. Countless times during the first trimester she rescued me. One time, my husband Steve was away for a weekend, Catherine made sure I was eating, made me food, told me to rest. Throughout my first trimester she insisted I sit down and not do anything. She brought me snacks and comforted me when I cried in bed feeling exhausted and nauseous. She treated me to a pedicure for my birthday and planned a surprise meal with friends at a British pub. Without my sisters nearby, it was great to have Catherine’s support and understanding, especially in those first months.
We told parents over the phone, the news was met with great excitement. My mom was watching my nieces and we wanted her to step in another room so we could tell her. When we broke the news, she shouted "Oh my goodness!" which brought the curious nieces running, "What is it grandma?" to which my mom replied with the best cover story she could think of, "Mimi has a massive pimple on her nose", turning back to the phone she continued, "you have a massive pimple on your nose and it's growing and growing." she said with pure delight. OK Mom... Good one. To be fair, the nieces didn't suspect a thing.
Steve and I own our house and we live with 5 incredible roommates. We call the house, the Fishbowl. I love living in community, there’s always someone around to talk to and something fun to get involved in! Our roommates are musicians, science nerds, social justice advocates, burners, extroverts, gardeners, chefs, educators, performers, gymnasts, and explorers. We're so excited to bring up a child with multiple interesting, independent, and loving adults around. We decided to wait until our first appointment with the doctor before telling our roommates. At that point I was at 7 weeks. Steve thought it would be fun to make a toast during dinner to our "newest roommate." Met with confused faces, he then announced that I was pregnant. Our roommates were both thrilled for us and anxious about the big changes to our house and community. It’s hard to talk about this moment. The faces of the roommates are seared in my memory. Some were great celebratory reactions, one roommate squealed with excitement. But others looked more disappointed than elated. On the one hand, a baby is an exciting adventure and adds a new level of fun and joy to the house. On the other hand, even living with someone else’s baby, where you don’t have primary responsibility, can mean a significant adjustment. It’s a change. That definitely brought a mixed bag of emotions for me and Steve. I respected and wanted to make space for their worries, but I also needed my closest people to be excited with me so that I wasn't consumed by my own fears. Living in community means a commitment to the whole. We didn’t announce our baby and then declare this is the new way of the house. We wanted to learn from our roommates and negotiate how a baby could be a good Fishbowl roommate. For some of the roommates they needed time to consider staying or leaving. Following some 1:1 and group conversations we managed to work through thoughts and concerns on people's minds. All but one roommate decided to stay once the baby comes. It will be a sad transition, but I am grateful that they are honest with themselves and us regarding the living situation they really want. For the rest of us, we continue to discuss how we’ll deal with different issues that come from living with a baby. And everyone’s excited.
For the most part, we kept the pregnancy private until the 12th week. A big family celebration provided a good opportunity to share the news with our community in New York. It also gave me practice actually saying it to people, which I found awkward at first! I remember the first family-friend I told that night, let’s call him Bobby. He put his hand on my tummy and said “oh! A baby Bobby.” Yeah, that was weird. Another friend I told asked, “um, should I say congratulations?” as if I might have just had a one night stand with someone. I realized maybe next time I should sound more excited when I share the news! It would be so much easier to wear one of those ridiculous t-shirts, but they only really make them for women much further along with protruding bumps.
There's so much more that can be said about the first trimester. This is only part one.
First Trimester Thoughts
Well I'm never getting pregnant again, I hope this is twins. (It's not)I guess this is my life now. (lying down, exhausted after breakfast)
Am I really even pregnant? Or just bloated? (even after the first ultrasound)
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