From Pandemic Baby to Party Baby

Steve and I are members of a vibrant community of people connected to a place called Cosmic Honey, a walnut orchard a few hours north of the Bay Area. He describes it to our friends and family as a hippie rave farm. The people that live there, and those of us who visit, are creative, artistic and we love to have fun with each other. 

When we knew we wanted to have kids, it was part of our dream to bring them up in this community. We’ve been to the orchard twice with Max this year. Both times he’s been the only baby at adult-centered events. But the exciting thing has been how welcoming everyone has been to Max, and how loved he is by the people in the community. 

This past weekend we attended GemFest, an annual festival celebrating Geminis! There were over 70 people attending (all vaccinated). A lot of people were telling us they are planning to have kids soon, one couple already expecting. I think seeing Max at GemFest comforted them. You really can take a step toward parenthood without missing out on the world of fun we all know and love! 

I wanted to write a post about our experience bringing Max into the Cosmic Honey community, logistics and all! I’ll also have another general post about camping with a baby.

The Walnut Orchard

The first time I visited the land at Cosmic Honey, I was overwhelmed by the beauty of the ancient walnut orchard. I couldn’t tell you how old the trees are. Maybe they’re not even that old, but to me they seemed to have been there for time immemorial.

The base of the trunks are wide with a thick brown bark. The rest of the tree, and its branches, growing tall and reaching out far are a different shade, almost grey/silver. On a recent visit, I wondered if the trees had been grafted. I asked a friend and they confirmed what I had suspected.  

About 50+ years ago, adolescent Persian Walnut trees were grafted to the base of Black Walnut trees. Grafting is the process of, essentially, sticking a branch of one tree into the trunk of another and hoping it grows! It’s done by making a special cut in a live tree trunk and inserting a branch or small trunk of another tree. It’s done a lot to fruit and nut trees. 

I don’t know why they did this at Cosmic Honey. Maybe because Persian Walnuts are easier to sell and to eat. Black walnuts are said to have tough shells, although they have better nutritional qualities.

There must be over 60 of these trees on the property. The walnuts they produce are delicious and well worth the 3-5 minutes of figuring out how to crack the shell (we have no nutcracker in this house! A word of warning, don’t use a glass jar!)

In the orchard, the trees rustle in the wind, the tall wild grass that surrounds them joins in with a softer, soothing noise. Small batches of California Poppies sprout up across the orchard, adding a splash of vibrant color to an otherwise greenish yellow landscape. All of this beauty against a stunning bright blue, cloudless sky (in all of my memories, at least!) 

The house on the property has a beautiful front porch lined with bench swings, hammocks, and comfortable lounge chairs. It’s very inviting and welcoming. Two finches have made their home in a hanging basket just outside the front door. I love sitting in the shade there and listening to the birds and the wind chimes sing. 

The property stretches beyond the orchard, in total about 400 acres, including trails that wind off into the hills. I’ve never actually hiked the trail, maybe one morning I’ll get up early before the heat to take Max. Maybe… 

This is home to a creative group of wonderful people and a community of fun, adventurous, and innovative friends. My first visit was for the wedding of the owners, Liah and Henry. Without going into too much detail, highlights included a flower theme for guest attire - we were all bright and beautiful, Liah arriving at the top of the orchard on a cherry picker which had been decorated as a unicorn with a long flowing veil, and a dance party that included bride and groom pretending to be a dinosaur and godzilla battling in a city made of cardboard boxes. 

Staying Connected

We’ve had many experiences at Cosmic Honey. Including a Thanksgiving Potluck the year I was pregnant. Friends drove up from the Bay Area, some came from further, to share a huge feast. Everyone pitches in. We all cook, we all clean. It all gets done, we all have fun.

Created to be a welcoming, busy place, with member events and weekend retreats throughout the year, Cosmic Honey had to put everything on hold when the pandemic hit. Initially, an annual June event (a huge party) was moved back for a date in August, but as that came around it was canceled. No Thanksgiving potluck 2020.

Liah and Henry and the other residents kept us connected through email updates about the land and what they were doing to improve the facilities for visitors. Around Valentine’s Day, I received a letter with a small packet of California Poppy seeds, a Rumi poem The Guest House, and specific instructions. I was encouraged to fill a glass jar with water, and each morning and night I would breathe love into this water. After 11 days, I would plant the poppy seeds and water them with love. 

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

The sealed mason jar sat on my bedside table. I breathed at it as often as I remembered. It was much longer than 11 days when I finally took everything out to the garden with Max one morning. We sprinkled the seeds in a patch of dirt in our backyard, and poured the water. Here’s a little patch of Cosmic Honey for us, I thought. 

The flowers have not yet bloomed

It was special including Max in this ritual. It was connecting both of us back to the land, back to the community of people. It was Max’s first introduction to the magic of Cosmic Honey. 

Visiting Cosmic Honey with Max

Steve has been to Cosmic Honey a handful of times in the past 6 months. Most of his time there is spent writing and reflecting, and some of it he spent helping Henry with tasks like cutting and moving fallen trees off the trails. It was too cold for me, and much too cold for Max or Porter during the winter months.

With Spring comes sunshine, comes blue skies, comes vaccines. Cosmic Honey began opening up more and more, hosting events. In early May, we attended a meditation weekend, taking Max there for the first time. 

The meditation retreat included meditation workshops, dharma talks, sunrise tea parties by the pond to quietly watch nature wake up, and a morning bee-themed ecstatic dance party. There were about 15 people there. It was very chill.

The second trip we made to GemFest was a much bigger event with over 70 people in attendance. There was a party at the nearby lake, a talent show, a huge potluck dinner, and a late night dance party! Oh, and a lot of costumes! 

I will admit, having a toddler at these events does make it a little challenging to participate in everything. We had to follow his schedule of sleeping and eating. But we were still able to have plenty of fun and make new friends both times!

When we visited Cosmic Honey in May, Steve took a moment to figure out the best place to set up our tent based on the movement of the sun. It was important to get the right shade in the afternoon to keep it a little cooler for Max’s afternoon nap and when he would be going to bed. 

As we set up camp and unloaded the car, we sat Max down on our picnic blanket in the shade. He just sat watching us and looking around, content to be still in a new place. Max wasn’t walking independently at that time, and he learned quickly that the ground was hard and full of prickly things. Instead of crawling off, he preferred to wait until we had a hand to walk him around.

When we arrived at GemFest in June, Max was walking. So, it was really helpful to have friends who were enthusiastic about hanging out with him while Steve and I set up our stuff. 

One thing we learned from our first trip is that we really need our own shade structure outside of the tent, something that would provide more space for us to sit and play or eat outside of the tent. There’s some shade in various places around the Cosmic Honey property, but with a baby you don’t want to be lugging around all your stuff every time you want a meal or to sit down and chill.

A 1-year old’s guide to fun at Cosmic Honey

There’s plenty to do at Cosmic Honey to entertain a toddler. Just walking around, exploring the orchard and touching flowers was exciting enough. Then we found a trampoline! Max had never been on one. He enjoyed a little bouncing, but his favorite thing was to crawl really fast from one side of the large circle to the other side and laugh as I tried to run around the edge fast enough to prevent him falling off the other side. Wow, that was fun!

We would also spend time saying good morning to the chickens. Three huge fluffy chickens would waddle over to observe us, upon realizing we did not have food they would lose interest. Max was confused by these new creatures but decided quickly he liked them. He would smile and point at them, enjoying our morning visits.

I also went down to the pond with him. I’m the type of person who constantly imagines the worst. I kept visualizing him somehow falling out of my arms into the pond or walking right into it. (I also imagine snakes hiding in the grass every step I take. Why do I go outside?) Needless to say, I held him pretty tight. There’s a shady patch alongside the pond where someone has placed carpets and cushions for folks to rest and enjoy nature.

I soon realized that sitting still and not crawling all over the place (especially to this interesting large water bath) was not much fun for Max. And with my concern for his safety, it wasn’t chill for me either.  Instead I picked him up and tried to point out the fish in the water to him. I’m not sure if he really saw them, or was just generally pleased by the lake.

On the Sunday morning of the meditation weekend, the participants gathered for a group reflection exercise, to be followed by a dance party at the back of the property. While Steve and I participated in the reflection, Max played with the dirt and rocks. He then walked around the circle of friends and touched each one of them. It was very sweet to see how people’s faces lit up with a smile when they interacted with him. 

The whole group paraded up the hill to the back of the orchard. Our leaders told a story of the bees, from birth, finding pollen, to queens battling it out for power. Throughout the story we moved our bodies and “danced” like bees might. It was very kooky, and had us all laughing. It was brilliant that Max could witness this - adults playing around like kids, just taking time to be silly and enjoy the world. I also learned some interesting things about how bees communicate. 

Getting Sleep Right

Cosmic Honey can get really hot during the day, and inside the tent it’s typically warmer. It takes a lot of creative energy to try to figure out how to make his sleeping environment comfortable for his naps. 

Usually in the morning it’s still cool enough for him to nap OK in the tent. After our first visit to Cosmic, Steve purchased an aluminum sun shade fabric which we draped over the tent at GemFest. It helped reflect the sun off the tent, and kept it a little cooler. 

Even so, when Max tried to nap in the afternoon it was just way too hot in the tent. We ended up putting him in a room in the house, which was perfect. He slept great. Steve and Henry have talked about maybe building a structure for shaded nap space somewhere on the property. This would be for adults and babies to enjoy! 

While Max naps, Steve and I can participate in whatever is going on around us. At the meditation retreat I went to a Dharma talk about thoughts. At GemFest, Steve went to the lake with about 70 other folks for a huge lake party! Floats, music, rope swings, etc. I napped on the front porch and hung out with a few other friends who stayed at camp.

Another key thing for camping with a baby when you don’t want to be stuck hanging out by your tent - battery powered monitors. Usually monitors need at least the baby-unit to be plugged into a power source - not convenient for camping! These ones run on batteries. One stays in the tent with Max and we can wander up to 1,000 ft away. It also displays the temperature, super helpful for figuring out baby comfort. The only problem is, they eat through batteries super fast! 

It's definitely different from having a video monitor, with which you can have eyes on him at all time. Steve and I had to give up a little of that control that we're used to. A lot more trust that we'll hear him if he's upset, otherwise he's probably fine! At night, he usually sleeps 7pm to 7am anyway, so we really are used to not checking on him. Sometimes we would need to go into the tent at night for our warmer clothes, or to go to bed, and he doesn't even wake up then!

Keeping your cool 

It gets pretty hot at Cosmic Honey during the day, and there’ s not much shade. Babies don’t regulate their temperatures as well as adults, so you really have to help keep them cool. For children under one, it’s not recommended they go out in temps above 90F, or 84F with high humidity.  

The first time we went, Max woke up from his afternoon nap very irritable and I think a little over-heated. We gave him lots of water and juicy snacks to hydrate (cucumber, melons, and clementines are great for this!). 

To escape the heat, the three of us got in the car and drove 5 minutes down the road to Blue Lake. The road along the lake has many pull-out spots that you can park in and walk down a short way to a little shaded patch of dirt to stick your toes in. 

Steve went for a swim (in a wetsuit, the water is very cold!) Max and I stay on the water’s edge. I was mostly stressed by the body of water right in front of me and my wobbly, hell-bent on exploring everything, toddler. 

The edge we had found that day was steep and the entrance to the water was difficult. I wedged myself uncomfortably on the bank with one foot propping me up against a boulder. I held Max on my lap and proceeded to teach him a game we like to call “Rock, Splash.” Max picks up rocks (from my hand or the ground) and throws/drops them into the water. He could play this for hours. He loves it!

He cooled down and was in a much better mood after that. Honestly, the cool air in the shade by the lake helped me keep my cool too! It’s hard running around in the sun with a toddler. As well as navigating the needs and energy levels of your partner. Both times we’ve been at Cosmic Honey, Steve and I have done a great job working as a team to handle Max, and giving each other breaks when needed. 

Multiple times throughout both weekends our friends watched Max for 15-30 minutes at a time, so that Steve and I could cook dinner, or pack up our camp. Our friend Amy even offered to take him if we just needed a break! She’s great with kids, and Max has gotten so used to her that when she walked past us one day he pointed and said Mama, which I think means he likes her! 

Another way we kept Max cool was by putting him in a swim shirt (bonus SPF 50 protected from the sun!) and occasionally wetting it. The water helped cool him down a little. We also carried an umbrella around so he had his own personal shade on the go!

At the meditation weekend, Max wasn’t walking yet so we put him in denim overalls because they could withstand the crawling on the hard ground. At GemFest he wore a cute shirt and shorts. Lots of sunscreen! I really like this brand, it’s mineral based but rubs in nicely and doesn’t make you look like a ghost!

And, it was Cosmic Honey, so of course Max had his own fun clothes to wear! Everyone’s in colorful clothes throughout the weekend, especially at night. A lot of people wear bright patterns, shiny leggings, and this is a crew of folk who don’t conform to gender norms. Max has his own blue leggings covered in cats, with an attached tutu. As he gets older we’ll continue building out his costume box so he can keep up! 

Party Baby

Camping with a one year old is definitely harder than camping without him, or not camping and just staying home all weekend. But I think it’s important that Steve and I still do the things we love. We really enjoy the community at Cosmic Honey and want to stay connected and actively a part of it.

The hardest part of bringing Max to GemFest was balancing our responsibilities to take care of him with the desire to have fun! At night we had a huge potluck dinner, a talent show, and then a dance party that went all night. 

The potluck was timed to start at 6pm, which was the time Steve and I were getting Max ready for bed. So we missed most of the meal, but luckily there was food left by the time we joined everyone! That was just a noticeable downside, breaking bread with people is such a bonding experience. On reflection, we could have just put him down a little earlier since he hadn’t napped much during the day, or we could have kept him up a little longer. 

The big dance party happens behind shipping containers. They help keep the noise away from the neighbors (the neighbors aren't super close, but noise travels far in the rural areas!). However, we knew that our baby monitor didn't work behind the shipping containers - they blocked the radio signal. 

Steve and I had discussed how to manage that. We know that Max sleeps really well, even camping. He’ll sleep all night long. But we’re so used to having a connection to him, even when in the same house. 

We talked about taking shifts - one of us parties while the other hangs out in the bar with the monitor. We also thought maybe we’d ask other people who were in chill mode to listen to the monitor and just come get us if the baby cried. (No one was in chill mode this weekend!) We had to get used to trusting that he was OK, and checking in regularly through the night.

The talent show started around 9pm. It was fantastic, by the way! Starting with aerial silk performers outside, then folks performing all sorts of acts on stage in the barn. I even performed Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies on the glockenspiel. The whole time in the barn I was anxiously thinking about Max. But I managed to wait it out until the end, near 11pm before I went back to visually check on him.

I approached the tent, not a sound from the baby. I opened the rain fly and peaked in, making sure to just use the red light on my headlamp, not to wake him with a bright light. He was sound asleep. I switched his sleeping bag (more on that in my next camping post) and put his raccoon teddy in his arms. He fell back asleep right away. 

We thought that we wouldn’t be up too late because we still had to run around after Max the next day. Steve had volunteered to take the first shift with Max in the morning. So I felt OK being up later than usual (I honestly go to bed around 9:30/10pm these days!). Steve didn’t go to bed earlier though, not his style! 

We had a few drinks outside the tent before the dance party got started around 1am at the back of the orchard. For the next couple of hours I balanced dancing with friends and running back to the tent to visually check on Max. It was a very unlikely scenario to be faced with, but I knew that the worst thing to happen would be someone taking him. But we're on private property, with tons of friends around. We just had to balance being with friends and going back to the tent and we took turns.

A typical morning view, Max waking up for the day!

It was 2:45am when we left the party together and got ready for bed. I don’t think we fell asleep much before 3:30am. Unfortunately the bright sun had Max awake at 5:45am. Steve didn't get much sleep! He got up and took Max out of the tent for breakfast and early morning adventures. I kept sleeping :-)

One of the event organizers said the highlight of the weekend for her was watching Steve walking back up to the party at the shipping containers with Max on his shoulders, and then playing and dancing with him there. The party was still going at 7:30am! Although, by then it was more of a cuddle/chill party, less of an upbeat dance party!

Worth it

I’ve never enjoyed staying up all night anyway! I don’t mind leaving parties early. I think if we find a nanny that we really like and trust, we could consider leaving Max at home overnight. But I also think it’s fun to see how a community can grow and evolve to be one that welcomes the next generation together. 

It’s also something that I experienced from a very young age (minus the hippie rave vibes). My parents took my sisters and me camping a lot. I have a lot of memories of our caravan. Especially the memory of how it smelled, and the memory of the specific cups and plates that we only used when camping (which my mom still has!) I can’t think of many specific times or memories, I just have a blur of feelings, images and scents. Fun, excitement, love, warmth, adventure, family. I hope we leave Max with similar memories.