Goodnight Mom

In October, 2022, we welcomed our au pair, M* into our family. M, a 24-year-old from Istanbul, Turkey,  lived with us and provided childcare for Nico and Max (when he wasn't in daycare). Steve and I loved having another adult in the house and we enjoyed getting to know M. She taught us a lot about Turkish culture, made us some delicious Turkish meals and of course, Turkish coffee. And she was great with the kids! There’s a lot that can be shared about our au pair experience, so I’ll split this post into two parts. Part one will be about the process and general experience of having an au pair. Part two will dig into some of the challenges and why we ended up with a broken match after 4 months. I won't be sharing photos of M here, because that feels too personal and like exposing her to something. Anyone who knows me personally will have either met her or seen photos on my social media. I emphatically want to say how much I appreciate M and care about her happiness. Our au pair m...

It’s been a while since I posted anything on this blog. When I’m done working and taking care of the kids and cleaning up our mess for the day, getting on my computer to write about my thoughts and feelings is the last thing I’ve wanted to do. Instead, I’ve gone to the gym, had dinner with friends, or watched The Crown on Netflix, or wandered into the rabbit hole of obsessing over & consuming all things Meghan and Harry (I’m done with that though!).  But, I do love this blog. The outlet it’s given me to express myself about parenthood. The impact it’s had on the folks who read it. (Thank you, by the way, for reading and to those of you who have reached out to respond). So, I have returned to write about something controversial but weighing on my mind. Parenting young kids kind of sucks. In my opinion. If I had $1 for every person who told me we were in the “best years of our lives” or the “best time” of parenthood, I would be able to pay for full time childcare until they both ...

It’s the holiday season. I’m talking, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Years... So, I spend time thinking about how I want my kids to experience this time, and what I want them to learn from it.  Today, in the US, it's Thanksgiving, so I'm focusing my thoughts there. Thanksgiving Thanksgiving is not a holiday that means much to me as someone who grew up in the UK. As an adult living here in the States, I’ve learned about the pilgrims, colonization and the continued violence against and disenfranchisement of indigenous peoples. It makes it easy to question why Thanksgiving is still a thing. Attempts to simply reframe the holiday, to just consider it as an opportunity to be thankful for what we have now, does a further disservice to indigenous people. That approach simply ignores the truth. This federal holiday as taught in schools tells a story of peace and cooperation. Too often, this story comes without recognition of the oppressive and violent history betw...

I was at home alone with Nico and Max for a few days while Steve was on a work trip. As I was folding laundry, Max asked me for the small towels/napkins I had in my hand. Oh great, I thought, he’s going to make a mess throwing these all over the place. I cut the pile I had and handed him a small number of them.  A few minutes later, Max walked up to me and handed me a rolled up napkin. “I wolled it,” he said.  What? He rolled it? I’ve never seen him do this before. “Can you do it again and show me?” I asked.  Max led me back to his space where he was rolling the small towels. He carefully laid one out in front of him and began to roll the bottom end closest to him towards the top. “Tap, Tap” he said as he used his hands to mimic a gesture of making sure the roll was aligning and not skewed. With the lightweight towels, it really didn’t do any good. But it was adorable to watch. “Wow Max! You did that so carefully. You’re really good at that! Did you learn that in school?”...

In early August, we packed up our belongings and moved out of the Fishbowl and into a 3-bedroom apartment on the other side of Oakland. That sentence completely oversimplifies it. Anyone who has moved a house full of stuff will know that it’s no easy task. And then you add two young kids into the mix. Chaos! While you’re at it, add in 3 covid infections. Stop!   That was our moving experience.  Yikes! A few weeks before we moved house, Max tested positive for Covid. We were grateful that he had no symptoms. But we really hadn’t expected to have a toddler home during crunch time for packing up the house in preparation for the move. It sucked our time and our energy. We also knew that this time, it was much more likely that Steve & I would also get Covid (when Max had Covid in Sept 2021, we didn’t catch it) . And sure enough, we did. Preparing for the Move We didn’t want to tell Max too early about the move, because he may not have understood it. A week before we moved we ...