Goodnight Mom

When I mailed off a free lead water test from New York City, I expected the results to say what most other Forest Hills parents had reported: no lead detected. Instead, one of our samples came back at 27 parts per billion (ppb). We had been drinking that water every day. A few weeks earlier, I’d read a Facebook post on the local Forest Hills Parents group about testing lead levels in water. A few people commented that they had discovered 2 or 3 parts per billion (ppb) of lead in their water, but most of the comments were from people who had taken the test and found no lead. I learned New York considers anything above 5 parts per billion worth addressing. I thought it might be a fun at home experiment to do with Max, so I ordered the free NYC Lead Water Test Kit. I naively  thought the “kit” would be some kind of litmus paper or dye we just pop into a glass of water. (I don’t know how science works).  Turns out, we had to fill two big plastic jars with water from the kitchen ta...

  A belated Father's Day post still counts, right? I've been thinking a lot about fatherhood lately. I heard a statistic that in the 1980s, 43% of fathers said they had never changed a diaper. Today, that number is around 3%. It's a striking statistic, but I don't think it's really about diapers.  It's about showing up. I don't think there's one blueprint for what makes a “good father”, and I certainly don't think every family needs one. Love, stability, and belonging can come from many places and many people.  But my boys have a father, and he's a really, really good one. He's there. When we found out Max was breech, Steve became an instant researcher, reading everything he could so we could make decisions together. When I was caught in the fog of postpartum hormones and anxiety, I became desperate to make breastfeeding work with Max. Looking back, it's so clear that I couldn't see what was happening. He needed formula and I needed p...

I stopped writing for some time. A year and a half. Did you notice?  I got busy. I’m always busy. Are you busy?  Today I  feel especially called to find my voice again in this blog. I started Good Night Mom when I was pregnant with my first, back in 2019. I started this blog because I was learning SO MUCH about motherhood that did not align with all the things I thought I knew. All the ways society taught me to view motherhood.  The biggest thing at the time was how motherhood is meant to be “natural” a part of nature. We still expect women to feel some sort of way about having children. And I realized how frustrated and agonized I became when 2 months of trying for a baby turned into 5, 6, and then 9. And how lucky we were that it was only 9. So many parents go through much longer periods of desiring to conceive, of trying IVF, surrogates, and adoption proceedings. There are many ways to become a parent. This blog was the space for me to express the challenges I fac...