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Let's Hear It for the Dads!

 A belated Father's Day post still counts, right?


I've been thinking a lot about fatherhood lately. I heard a statistic that in the 1980s, 43% of fathers said they had never changed a diaper. Today, that number is around 3%.


It's a striking statistic, but I don't think it's really about diapers. 


It's about showing up.


I don't think there's one blueprint for what makes a “good father”, and I certainly don't think every family needs one. Love, stability, and belonging can come from many places and many people. 


But my boys have a father, and he's a really, really good one.



He's there.


When we found out Max was breech, Steve became an instant researcher, reading everything he could so we could make decisions together. When I was caught in the fog of postpartum hormones and anxiety, I became desperate to make breastfeeding work with Max. Looking back, it's so clear that I couldn't see what was happening. He needed formula and I needed permission to let go.


Steve could see it before I could.


He wasn't always gentle about it. We argued. He got frustrated. I got defensive. We were exhausted and scared and trying to do what we thought was best for our tiny baby.


But he kept coming back with compassion instead of judgment. He held the baby while I pumped, mixed bottles when I couldn't admit I needed them, and slowly helped me find my way out of a place I couldn't have navigated alone. (I wrote about it back in 2020)


He's consistent.


As our boys have grown, parenting hasn't become something he helps with after work. It's something he thinks about all the time. When Max was surviving on snacks, he came up with a new routine that actually got him eating real meals. When we noticed the boys were more irritable than usual, he dove into the research with me, and together we changed what TV shows they were watching. Within weeks, we saw calmer afternoons and happier kids.


He's invested in raising good humans, not just getting through the day.


And maybe the thing I'm most grateful for is that he's always been just as invested in me.


When I go away for a quick trip—scuba diving in Florida or visiting friends in California—people are often shocked that Steve would "let me go." But we do it for each other. Encourage it and support it. Recently, I took a long weekend to reunite with California friends and it was so wonderfully refreshing and good for the soul. The night I got home he took one look at my happy face, and said, "I think you should go on vacation more often."


I laughed, but I also felt deeply seen. I’ll be booking my next scuba adventure before he changes his mind! 


Motherhood asks so much of us. Sometimes it asks us to give so much that we lose sight of ourselves for a little while. One of the greatest gifts Steve has given me isn't that he changes diapers or packs lunches or reads bedtime stories, although he does all of those things. It's that he has always believed I should remain a whole person alongside being a mom.


He loves our boys fiercely. He shows up every day. He thinks, reflects, worries, learns, apologizes, and tries again.


If I had to define a good father, I think that's where I'd start.


So here's to the dads who quietly carry half the load, who are genuine partners, steady hands, curious minds, and safe places for their children to land.


I'm grateful for the role model he is. My greatest hope is that Max and Nico grow up believing this is what love looks like: showing up, staying curious, carrying the load together, and making room for the people you love to become more fully themselves.

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